she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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