I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
