your thong is hanging out like whoa
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
