The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
