Your dad touched me again.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
