I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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