I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
