he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
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