There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
