I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Randomize
