i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
my shit smells like andre
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Im part way to drunk.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
