I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
i out mim tonsoeep
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