why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
