You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
