I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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