if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
