Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just want to make out with him forever
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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