Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
