The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
