One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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