I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
