this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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