O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize