oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
