If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
