I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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