WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize