Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
