1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
