on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
