I wanna bring you to show and tell
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
