First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
