i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Randomize
