Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
