i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
