Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
