I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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