I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize
