I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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