i was born a porn star she said
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize