some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
