Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize