Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
