I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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