there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
