Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I can't turn off my feet"
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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