Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
