When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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