I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
