Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
