She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
