Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize