I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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