You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
