glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
