Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
These tits shall not be calmed
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize