This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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