i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
