I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
