how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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