Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
