I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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