she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
