Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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