Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
