before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
