I will die if light touches me.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I just want nice things and good sex
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
