First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
40s are totally the cure
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
True college students do jello shots in the library
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
